keikeiaznqueen's Xanga

Announcement

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 07:46:25 GMT

This journal is ABANDONED.

(But I'm still coming back to read some subscriptions psst xanga team don't delete lol.)

#Krisso, for the last time.

Because you always show me that there remains a purity, even within the darkness of this city

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 09:29:16 GMT

Title ripped off from Ayu's song, JEWEL, and it's totally relevant to this post, btw. XDD You'll see.

-

Even under the grey, square sky, that is filled with all too many kinds of unhealthy desires, I still don't lose sight of the light among them - these dreams -, because you always show me that there remains a purity, even within the darkness of this city.

--

And that's my interpretation of the first verses of the song, taken out of its poetic form and put into a nice paragraph. XDD

--

Autumn '07

Ayu appeared in "au MUSIC FIESTA" as a guest yesterday, and prized as one of the most fashionable artists in Japan, her attire confirmed Autumn '07's trends to be leaning on the semi-boyish side. (After all, you can't trust anything until Ayu says so. XDD)

Images are the following:

She's even cut her hair short like a month ago. Although I thought her hair looked better all short and flowy, rather than with these stiff curls.

I'm just saying this though, because I saw a few articles on this soon-to-hit boyish or manly look (it hasn't quite yet, since Ayu leads all the time) and I didn't quite believe it until I saw AYU doing it. I just thought that it was interesting; what does it show? It shows that Ayu rules the world of course. =DD

Not that I'm going to cut my hair short or anything. I'm *always* manly anyway. I can always be a hippie guy with a mind living back in the 70's and and long swinging hair. XDD

The point of this post is to prove that Ayu is awesome, just because.

--

All right, now, away from the fuss on what will be in the HK fashion magazines (that are very slow on the uptake of these things) next week, I shall whiz back into reality.

Which, actually, isn't very real.

In English today, we had to write a short piece, asking "If you could go back in time, *any* time, when and where would you go back to?" That was pretty much the question (although I can't actually remember the wording of it), and people were choosing things like "wanna go back to the 80's, so cool back then man" and "wanna go back to the 70's, awesome music man", or other exotic things like dinosaurs, the moment you were born, reliving summer holidays, etcetra.

Hahaha, and you can so NEVER guess what *I* picked. XDD (Cal got it on his first guess, lol.)

I want to go back to Christmas 2006, and watch the surprise live performance of the song JEWEL by Ayumi Hamasaki in Universal Studios, Osaka.

There are many reasons why I chose this particular live, and one of them is the fact that I have also freaking BEEN to the Universal Studios that exact freaking year and Ayu performed there?!?!?! *utter shock and disappointment* If ONLY I was there during Christmas!!

Also, this live was for free, you see, people didn't need to PAY to watch it, it was only for those that happened to be so damn lucky and coincidentally BE there. The video of the performance showed all the bubbling excitement of people running towards the performance all surprised and giddy. But who wouldn't BE excited? Ayu's concerts and performances always sell out in three hours, all the damn time (AND, those in the Japan-residents-only Ayu Fanclub get a first priority. T__T). This performance for those lucky bastards who happened to be there, was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!!

The people were so happy. The camera pans across the audience a bit and they show some couples all happy and stuff; they're celebrating Christmas night in Universal Studios (good choice, it's a really brilliantly pretty place), they're already very happy, and then they get this huge surprise present-- a live performance from Ayu.

Man, I would kill to watch one of those. Even before I saw the video clip of this performance, I'd imagined how AWESOME it simply would be, to watch Ayu perform JEWEL on CHRISTMAS DAY, and to add to the effect, it should be outdoors and SNOWING. If it starts snowing in the middle of the performance, _even better_.

Towards the end of the video, you get to see a woman in the audience with watery eyes, watching Ayu finish off her song with a smile; oh gawd, she was so touched-- I was too, and I wasn't even there. XDD

So, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity; free of charge; great performance-- enough to make you cry; romantic; Ayu; Ayu in a santa GOWN with awesome hair and all; JEWEL; Universal Studios, Osaka; outdoor; Christmas, christmas, christmas; cold but warm on the inside (gawd I LOVE that feeling, it's like drinking warm soup on a cold day, or hot chocolate, if you like (milk tea for me though)); big, happy crowd who are all very supportive and happy to watch Ayu...

... the list of Why This Live Is Awesome can go on and on and on. And this awesomeness is just the reason why I really want to go back to watch it, I was not the least bit half-assed when I answered the question!

And, you know, having to revise for the iGCSE mock exams over Christmas this year just plain sucks. T____T It makes me wanna watch Ayu live even more...

That rounds up what I wrote for English. XDD

#Krisso

Note:

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 10:30:27 GMT

The font on this xanga, if you're using firefox, depends on your default FF font. ^__^ It'll be ugly and Times New Roman if that is your default font.

So close to collapsing in the middle of the road, it wasn't even funny. O_O

Sat, 08 Sep 2007 11:12:31 GMT

I had NEVER been so tired in my entire 15 years of life... 0__0

I barely made it back home and before collapsing on a bed, and I vaguely wondered if I was going to wake up.

--

I normally go to the gym on Saturdays for half an hour. The gym here's supposedly only allowed for those 16 and older, but I always used to fake it anyway and got in all this time, but then recently they started asking again and again and being really suspiciously about my age. So today, I didn't want to risk it, and instead, went running outside of my residence instead. I made a new playlist in my ipod with 3 songs in it so when I finish running, it would be just a little over 10 minutes.

So I ran, and there was a small slope where I met my dad who happened to be running as well. So I waved and ran with him. I probably ran a bit faster than normal to keep up with my dad.

After one more lap of running, I had to run up the small slope again, and this time, I couldn't bear it. I ended up stopping and putting my upper body's weight onto my knees and just, feeling and hearing my heart banging itself viciously against my ribcage as though it wants to just put a hole in there and come out to bounce on the floor.

I walked up the rest of the slope, suppressing an urge to lay on the ground.

After having to walk up, I had to run this small flat distance that led to a hiking trail. I just ran in, stopped, and started walking back out. By that time, the third and last song had finished and so it marked the end of my running.

But I was literally _dying_ and I knew it. It must have been partly my ipod's fault because my EARS were hurting, of all things... dude, it hurt. My head wasn't doing any better over all because I had this insufferable... migraine; the back of my head hurt, and my spine was hardly supporting my body properly-- I felt the need to slump really often (and fall onto the ground if only I can); my leg muscles weren't doing good either; my heart was STILL threatening to jump out of my chest.

By the time I reached the slope downwards towards my block, I swear, it was the hardest downward slope I've ever, ever, EVER walked. I could hardly carry my own weight, actually, with a migraine, hurting ears, pounding heart, dying muscles, AND, unfocused eyes.

Unfocused eyes-- I was walking down the slope when I looked around at the surroundings and I just felt like there was something in front of my eyes, blocking them from proper vision. I wasn't wearing my glasses from all the sweat, but still, I found myself wondering when my eyesight had worsened to this extent, and whether or not I have one of those bad eye diseases. I wondered if it was night already. I wondered why it suddenly seemed to dim all around.

The lights from the lamp posts glared, really blindingly brightly, but I couldn't be sure. It hurt just to look.

When I was about five metres away from the entrance to my block lobby, I just sat down on this bench outside of my block. I couldn't walk anymore at that time, you see, going down the slope was really hard work, but I didn't really want to collapse in the middle of the road so I held it. Again, I wondered if my vision had really worsened or if it was from exhaustion. After a minute of so of sitting down though, my vision was clearer again and I realised my eyes were unfocused due to exhaustion, and I thought, I have to get back home, quick. 0_0

Getting inside the lift proved to be extremely dangerous though, because the lift lacked proper air circulation-- it's so old, and I swear I couldn't breathe. When I got out, that shared space between the four apartments that were on the same floor wasn't any better. The air was still really bad because it's probably the same air all the time (the only time the air actually MOVES is when someone opens a door) and I managed to fish out the keys from my pocket.

My mum asked me where I went running because she didn't see me in the gym. I answered her but she didn't hear me. I gave up projecting my voice.

By the time I got to my room, my legs ALMOST just gave away before I reached the bed and I felt like I was seriously going to die or just pass out or something. I've never felt so tired in my entire life before; not when I went swimming training, not when I ran the school cross-country, not when I ran the biathlon, not anything. I was lucky I even made it to the bed and just collapsed there for about 10 minutes before waking up again and just laying there for another 5 minutes, and THEN proceed to feel bad about the fact that I was all sweaty and I was on my SISTER'S bed, not my own. (Because I have to climb a ladder to my own and I lacked that energy to do so.) Also, I realised that my sister had a fever 2 days ago and I was so weak at that time that I might have caught something. >.>

Anyway, I'm fine now, thank god. I think I might develop a running-phobia from now on... The headache's subsided, but gosh, if I hadn't sat that to refocus before entering the lift, I might have collapsed IN the lift, which is even worse because no one would know and the doors would close and there'd be even less oxygen.

Sporting when you're someone with such a weak heart like me, is really dangerous. (I've never been the one with good stamina, not even when I trained. In comparison to a normal person, I get tired way too easily.)

--

The only good news is though, that I must have lost 2 pounds at least, from that, and I also have very good skin at the moment from the sweating. XD

Okay, not funny.

--

I have loads of Japanese worksheets to do. T___T

--

I'm watching that Bruce Almighty II tomorrow morning with my mum, and then coming back to do more Japanese worksheets. I hope I can finish, but, I also have Chinese lessons tomorrow. And then I hope to do art homework as well. Arrrgh...

*must be positive*

#Krisso

Just popping in...

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 08:10:27 GMT

... to say that I ALMOST dug my own grave today by leaving the school WITHOUT my English essay notes with me because I can't possibly write an essay that is due in for tomorrow without them tonight (rushing them during breaks would be too risky.)

Coming out of PE, I didn't need to go back to my locker to put anything back, and so I left without opening the locker, see. I thought something was terribly wrong of me to leave without opening my locker. I just KNEW I forgot something, and racked my brain for that something that I might have overlooked, until suddenly, my english notes flashed across my mind and I gasped in cruel realisation.

Gosh, I could have just collapsed in despair if I had forgotten. I would be so stressed out and worried right now that the frustration would need more than the force of my head banging itself continuously against the tables, the walls, and everything else you headdesk to. I'll be tearing all my hair out in the process and perhaps facepalming as well since the forehead will be in so much pain anyway.

Hmmmm~ but yeah, good thing I remembered, I need to get those "terrible feelings of bad omen" more often so I think deeper about what I might have forgotten-- keep digging my memory for all the possibilities.

--

And I just KNOW that I will get muscle pains tomorrow or something from PE today. I will get it on my arms, I will get it on my legs. I mean, I could barely WALK from PE on wednesday and all I did was some slacked-off sprinting. 0_o

I got a 180 beats per minute after-exercise heart rate today. Apparently, that means I'm "poor" in terms of the health of my heart. Oops. (I mean, I used to get 130... my body is deteriorating fast. XDD I knew I must age quicker than the average human, having so much white hair and stuff at this age.)

--

Otherwise, I'm coping fine. Ever since I stopped myself from thinking too much, I think life's been better. I'm keepng this up. =D This way, I'm "fighting the good fight". ^___^ *bows* All right, I have... fanfiction... to READ, and english essay to WRITE. Hehe. Should go now, also have a mandarin lesson in like 5 minutes or something. 0_0

I'm not satisfied with how my fanfics are turning out right now, and I don't exactly know EXACTLY what is going to happen next, so I still need to think (and I procrastinating THAT thinking, so yeah... call this a hiatus.)

Hmmm~ sorry guys, CNYRA is the last on my list if it comes to writing. It's Kenny & Kayla, then the RyoSaku challenge that I haven't thought about since ice age. =D Aaah~~ but I kinda wanna submit something nice for voice, too, so... that's loads of commitments. ^_~

#Krisso

Honesty Meme -- pointless post

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 09:00:50 GMT

Taken from strawberrychips. I thought it was an interesting meme, and I'm not ready to do physics homework yet anyway. =D

-- So this meme requires you to be "honest", I don't know to what extent that might be so whatever. XDD

1. Honestly, what color is your bra -or undershorts if you're a boy?
I don't only own one of those, seriously...

2. Honestly, do you bite your nails?
Hahahaha. How can I ever not answer that? I've been biting my nails since I knew how to lift my hand to my mouth, hehe.

3. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
Just answering this meme... and procrastinating physics, WELL, I promise I'll do it soon enough. ^__^

4. Honestly, do you think you are attractive?
Not really.

5. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
Hmmmmm~ not as far as I can remember. If being not social enough counts, then yeah, maybe. MAYBE I have scowled for no reason.

6. Honestly, do you watch Disney channel?
Nope!

7. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
Don't think so.

8. Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
When things get accomplished finally. =D When you help people and you get rewarded by people helping you back. When I finally get to do something I've been wanting to do for a long time (like, get on the plane to Japan, or something. =D) When people are truly happy and comfortable. When there's a lack of hate and competition-- friendly and genuine communities are the best.

9. Honestly, what's on your mind?
Moprhing myself into a better person.

10. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute?
Not really.

11. Honestly, when is the last time you ate at a fast food restaurant?
Does the school cafe count, hmmm.

12. Honestly, are you in denial?
Don't think so. I tell myself I'm stupid too much to be in denial, I think.

13. Honestly, where would you rather be right now?
In paradise somewhere in Japan in a nice resort, lying on a clean bed watching the tv with a great view outside of the veranda. Oh, the room should about 10 floors high to avoid mosquitoes and insects. =D

14. Honestly, do you like someone?
Haha, I can be honest with this one-- no.

--------------

Anger Section

1. What do you do when you're mad?
YELL AND BITCH OVER THE INTERNET. ADVERTISE MY ANGER. MY VICTIM DESERVES THIS MUCH ATTENTION.

2. Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?
Yes. Actually, if I get really mad within a really short time (a few seconds), I will get shocked into tears.

3. Do you swear when you're mad?
Very very much. A hundred times more than I usually do. =D Maybe between every single coherent word that I use. XDD

--------------

Crying Section

1. When was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out?
Umm, 2 days ago.

2. When was the last time you cried yourself to sleep?
Errrm, yeah, 2 days ago.

3. Do you still cry when you get an injury?
Haven't been injured to that extent for a while. A cut or a big bump on the shins or so won't do the job. XD If it's out of my clumsiness that I would laugh while swearing, hehe.

4. What usually makes you cry?
A lot of things. =D Too much to count.

--------------

Happy Section

1. Are you usually a happy person?
This seems ironic after writing in the angry and crying section, but I will agree partially. ^__^

2. What can make you happy?
Dude, who made this meme? I answered this exact same question just now in the "Honestly" part of the meme. 0_O

3. Does being with your friends make you happy?
Most of the time, yeah. But half the time I feel awkward standing around just watching everyone be happy, because I'm usually out of the conversation. Doesn't it feel awkward to stand still and listen? I don't like doing that so I look away since I didnt keep track of the conversation anyway.

--------------

Self-Esteem Section

1. Do you believe in yourself?
Mostly. I say so right out, but it takes me a while to really believe that I am believing in myself, and then the cycle goes on with believing that I'm believing that I'm believing in myself... hmmm...

2. When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you agree?
Agree? I can't say I agree. But it tells you to accept the compliment in books and stuff anyway.

3. Are you one of those people that thinks they are ugly?
Sometimes I really think so. Other times I just bear with it.

#Krisso

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 11:40:26 GMT

Aah, I'm a strange person, yo. Sitting down for too long is enough to make me feel very paranoid. I guess what I should do from now on is get out and grab the newspaper or something-- as much as the amount of concentration I am willing to put into reading Chinese. It just simply takes too long and I kinda just end up scanning after a while. XD And I'm also really bad at catching the translated names-- like, you read it and then you have to try to see what it sounds like. It sucks to read about people with foreign names in a Chinese newspaper, lol.

--

"Most interesting (for you), though, I went to Province Town (fondly called P-town) for a parade.P-town, if you didn know, is the gayest gay town that ever gayed in America. I saw so many good looking men who were obviously not interested in me or my fellow females, it made me cry.

Then, this absolute god walked by in the parade with the best body Ie seen on a human being, and he kissed another god, and me and my friends stared at each other cause we were ALL THINKING THE SAME THING.

We were in heaven."

This is written by the author of the fanfic that I am reading. It is an extract taken from her blog in which I found very, very interesting. I want to visit Gay Town too. *__* If it means to see absolute godly gay guys walking around the street, maaaaan, it HAS to be HEAVEN!

I _really_ don't want to do my art homework. I sat all afternoon reading a fanfic until it was five-- that was when I deemed it late enough to start work, and then I finished doing the general details with the damned clouds, but I didn't bother to shade the sky properly because it took too much energy to read a fanfic AND shade. I chose reading the fanfic as the priority though, so I just finished "shading" (like, inserting pencil marks on any white space that should be shaded) and went on with whatever.

I only planned for myself to do art today, because everything else will be for tomorrow. (I will die if I don't finish art today. Nuff' said.)

Aaah, and also, before I forget and ruin my school day tomorrow for myself, I MUST. MUST. MUST. print my history coursework. Like, now. Oh gawd. *goes off*

... all right, problem solved.

--

Yeah, you must be wondering now. Haha, yeah, I also have an announcement.

I'M BACK! KRISSO, THE OWNER OF THIS ONCE-CRAZY BLOG MIGHT REALLY ACTUALLY BE BACK THIS TIME. HER LONG VACATION IN DREAMLAND MIGHT REALLY, REALLY FINALLY BE OVER.

AREN'T YOU GLAD? DID YOU MISS THE INSANE FANGIRL?!

=DDD

I just recently (just now) realised that I haven't done incoherent rambles in AGES and I totally MISS doing this kind of thing. It's insane, it's fucking _fun_.

If I start talking about what happens on my school days and normal days, again, like the way I used to, don't get scared or something. XD I seriously just realised that I haven't done that in ages. I'm sure no one took the time to actually realise it, but at least I did that part for myself and dude, I am going to start doing this again. =DD Anyway, having rambled just got me into an okay mood suddenly, even though I was slightly emo a moment ago from just sitting for too long.

I will NOT do this sort of thing again. Getting emo just cos'. I know you think it sucks and I think it sucks so... lets scrap it. =D I'm going to pick myself up from now on and not rely on emo-rambling to solve the problem (and it doesn't actually solve anything since there was no problem in the first place.) You probably already know who you are.

I just realised that I was blind, _again_, all along. Over-thinking makes you miss the smallest, simplest things. It makes you forget how insignificant something REALLY is, and it's about time I realise that.

--

Away from the self-evaluation (that happened every single day, I can't believe I didn't get tired of it), yes, I'm actually here to inform this quiet, quiet xanga about my day. Believe or not. =D

--

The first thought that I got when I woke up this morning was the fanfic that I left off the night before, right before I went to bed. It was 6:30 at that time and that was wayyyy too early for me to wake up, just yet. But at that time, coherent thoughts were already able to go through my mind due to the SasuNaru thoughts I had the moment I was awake. I decided that once again (just like the day before), I will wake up at 7 and get myself a 40 minute morning reading time. =D I'm freaking addicted to this fanfic, haha. (Sasuke has a private jet and his own runway in the airport. How freaking cool is that. And is it particularly fitting that I am to read about private jets billionaires in HK own in the newspaper, coincidentally? I was smirking the whole way, Sasuke > all billionaires. I was thinking of a private jet with the Uchiha fan on it. Man, that's so awesome. *___*)

Anyhow, I was perfectly IN TIME for school when I left home at 8:10. Seriously. I was. Until I realised it was raining and I had to march back up to grab an umbrella. The whole process wasted about 5 minutes and by the time I got to school, it was exatly 8:20. I mean, shit, I still had to get my stuff.

I was freaked out beyond my senses when I realised that the teacher in the formroom was NOT Ms Craig. So I prayed silently to myself that she would let me in and stuff. Yell at me, whatever, just let me get my stuff, or I'd get long term yelling from Ms Paul instead of short term yelling from a random teacher.

But unlike what I thought, she let me in with a smile and said, "Take your time, don't rush, blahblahblah." And I felt really weird when I was getting my stuff because she said, once more, "Don't rush, you have plenty of time..."

And I briefly thought if she was being sarcastic. I mean, like, "Take your time *glare*, don't rush, *takes out knife*, you have *plenty* of time (like, seriously.)"

Thing is though, I was 5 minutes late for my lesson but still managed to go in without being noticed much. It must have been out of my sheer bad luck though, that I happened to be one of the first few to be asked a question from the homework and then. I was completely unsure of my answers, not wanting to get them wrong and stuff. I didn't really speak nearly loud enough. So then, Ms Paul yelled at me for not being able to hear me, and she thought I didn't do my homework. She actually took the liberty of stalking over to me to see if I did my work, boring her eyes into the paper burning holes into them from where she was standing and then dismissing it, saying... nothing.

Tuesdays aren't my thing, really.

It didn't get any better when I received homework from maths because the thought of having to do physics tomorrow is already killing me. Adding maths into the equation will officially put my wednesday into a blender and mix all the orderly scheduled things up, and I will just collapse from the mess of it, really. (I swear I do have my own order in doing things, and I do get pissed when it gets messed up. 0_0)

As the day goes on, matters get worse as I have to find both Ms Meigh and Mr Hodgson today. So I thought that it would be good if I could find them in 2 separate breaks as to not overwork myself from running around the school too much because I generally don't like doing that. Except I failed to find either of them, and that sucked, so I retreated back to where everyone was telling about "stuff" from "maths" that I was apparently not told about.

PE just makes everything a living hell, starting off with me thinking that I didn't bring any hair ties to school. That sucked because I had to stick around to find a fucking elastic band, which the PE department LACKED. Mr Service said in a very cold, freaking annoyed tone, "How about some scissors?" And I REALLY want to get a pair just to shove it somewhere that hurts; like I wasn't already troubled enough to have to ask for elastic bands. I asked freaking nicely too. >(

In the midst of sitting down though, I was suddenly enlightened by the memory that struck me. I placed all my hair ties into my PE shorts pocket last lesson because I didn't want to wear them all on my wrist during PE. Out of sheer luck, I forgot to take them out of the pocket, and there I was today, taking them out of the pocket with my eyes that lit up and within a second I was happily trying my hair back. I mean, the rage only makes the whole world stuffy. It was surely much better to tie the hair back just to cool down.

Was I totally lucky or something to FORGET something last week, but this forgetfulness comes into help a week later?

I contemplated that. Didn't come up with a conclusion.

At lunch, I found Mr Hodgson and got my 2nd character reference back-- good, 2 down, 1 to go. (In reality, I only need ONE character reference at the least, but I went to find Ms Meigh anyway as a complete curtesy.)

... well, only to find out that she completely forgot about it, not that I mind much. I'm going to have to find her again tomorrow, as she had told me. So... it's still not over, but I swear I'll share my victory dance right here after this is over. It's bugged me all of last week and now it's about time I kill it off.

I didn't manage (didn't try) to find anyone during the rest of lunch time (which was about 10 minutes in duration). I ended up trying to imagine and draw a scene from Naruto, where Naruto fights Sasuke once again in the post-timeskip, and Naruto "loses". Sasuke decides to help Naruto up and they were walking across a long forest path... to somewhere. They were drenched from head to toe because it was raining. I was in love with both of their expressions and I quite liked how the effect of the rain rolling down their faces looked like.

I must be a weird person somehow because I always put on this really serious and distressed expression when I'm not talking to anyone, but I'm actually thinking about the scenes from a SasuNaru fanfic. XDD There'll be an occasional giggle from the pwnage of SasuNaru, and then there'll be that common scowl again. Dude I must be insane. =DD

--

I read the encouragement that my LJ friend gave me yesterday on a comment TWICE today. It was really encouraging. I didn't get moved to tears by it today though. I probably wasn't distressed enough, which is good because that means I'm in an okay mood despite the bad day. Even if I like to cry. XD

--

If you managed to actually read up until here, kudos to you. =D Won't be doing this again until I feel like it, but really, it's really encouraging to write about myself like this because I haven't done it in aaages. I finally feel a bit more alive than before. =D

I kinda want my lively PoT days back. They were so great, even if my old self was even more of an idiot than I am now, hehe. *___*

Ja~~

#Krisso

I was born lucky; it's like getting a 10 second early start in a race

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 11:03:52 GMT

First things first, new layout!! Well, more like, new layout template with a banner that is not mine (gotten from here) and a new icon that I just got from LJ.

This layout is slightly more emo than the last one, mostly because SasuNaru is generally an emo pairing, but that's why I love them. =DD They are exploding with passion, emotion, and feelings that you cannot explain in one single paragraph. I will not start a rant about it now seeing as I have other things to talk about today (when I should be doing my history coursework, whee~ I have a hypocrite. So sue me.)

Hmmmm~ what I really came to talk about today is what the title says. Well, that's what I came up with after I got inspired by a post one of my first LJ friends that I respect and love the most wrote. I won't go on to talking about what an amazingly strong and charismatic person she is, but I probably WILL end up doing that depending on how my ramble goes...

I know that the audience for my xanga are you lot privileged and lucky people; you know who are. ^__^ So this question is very suitable for you all as it had been to me. Have you ever thought about how lucky you are?

It's just that in the past few days, I've been pretty damn stressed from having to have busy break times running around the school trying to do things, and worrying about not getting it done-- and *I* was feeling sorry for myself. It's like how life around you suddenly starts to suck and despite working, you lack the kind of motivation and attitude that you kind of should have. For a few days I just kinda lost that. Most of the time when I had been at school, I REALLY wanted to just collapse on the floor and not do anything, or better, just head home and hide underneath some blankets. I think it's mostly from me being so weak and paranoid-- over-thinking and worrying excessively about stupid things all the damn time (it's very hilarious how I tend to ignore everything else people worry about.)

So I needed some motivation. The place where I got that was from that LJ friend I have. All I needed to do was think about how hard she is fighting and putting up with the shit and lemons life throws at her all the damn time, and then I am charged. ^__^ Although the effect wasn't lasting, it worked, and I started to think about what an ass I was to be beaten down by such small things (worrying about getting character references from three teachers). After all, some time ago, I kinda vowed not to lose to shit, because that would prove that I'm below shit myself and I don't want that. I didn't want to lose to life, you know? I thought it'd be kinda cool to win against it. =D

So yes, this LJ friend I'm talking about; she's my hero.

This is something that you would never have you worry about, you know? Not being able to get into your dream university (which, mind you, actually accepted you as a student) because you cannot pay for it. Having to go to a free college and not only that-- but with that college giving you constant shit and you trying to get things right but failing...

In the end though, she got things right and she went to this college. She loves it, now, because you CAN actually get good education in there and graduate; there ARE actually awesome professors that teach there; you CAN actually be just as awesome as anyone who graduated from a better university, AND, you spend $124343243248 lot less money on it, too.

If I had been her, I would have took it much worse, you know? Despite all the setbacks, she is a happy person. That's why I cannot let small things win against me, that's why I have to be beyond this.

And you know what? She WILL become who she wants to be in the future, because she is working hard enough for it and she can see it, so clearly, so much clearer than anyone I've ever come across. Unlike 70% of the population on earth, she's actually one of the people that don't suffer from emotional blindness. That is why she is my hero and that is what makes her this much more awesome than people in general.

She's just someone who will prove to the entire world that even without going to Harvard or Cambridge, you CAN actually get somewhere in this world. There are people who are less financially and intellectually gifted in this world, and these people can STILL pwn asses, as long as they are strong, you know? That's why my LJ friend there will be a person who will prove this. ^__^ We don't need to be 9 y/o or 14y/o geniuses who are so damn clever that they can go to university at that age, to be amazing.

It is actually possible to get hated by money, to have a father walk out of your door at young age, to suffer from insomnia and depression, and STILL believe that maybe in the end, you can work things out. As long as I know that there are people out there who can put through this and still be able to be happy, be a fan of Naruto and PoT, write awesome fanfics, and celebrate the greatness of fandom; as long as I know that you can get shit thrown at your face and still walk straight beyond that, I don't think I'll let shit get to me so easily anymore.

I feel like I'm being such a complete idiot for letting life get to me so easily. I was an idiot before and I'm STILL an idiot right now. I feel completely utterly useless for not having improved enough over the years; I know that I have gotten a bit better in some ways, but I've gotten more paranoid and that basically means I'm stupid, so I need to work that out.

If I work that out, maybe that's one step closer to being who I want to be. My LJ friend is my hero, and I want to be just as strong as she is. ^__^

--

We were born privileged and blessed intellectually and also financially. We a lot of things that many people don't have, and because of this, I feel that maybe I can stretch a lot further. I am given the chance to walk a lot farther on this road. I was given the privilege to start the race 10 seconds earlier than most people. I was blind and I didn't realise how I had taken this for granted. People aren't definitely born to be able to excel in maths. People cannot definitely know four languages. People cannot definitely be able to afford higher education. Yet, I had kind of based myself on all of those things that I just had shoved in my face. Half the time, I didn't even think about it and just put it aside, neglecting it.

It is very difficult for me to understand something that I've never been through. Even if I keep saying that I take things for granted, it's difficult to actually STOP taking them for granted. But now I feel that, just by simply knowing that the possibility of being strong despite everything, is there, and that people are fighting very hard everyday, I know that I can actually dance through this, maybe I can do this better, you know? Maybe I won't ever stop taking things for granted until I get shit shoved at my face. Maybe that's how it's going to be, but despite that, I lay my base somewhere there and just keep building up from that, you know? Someday, I might become the person that I want to be, too.

Because I can.

I don't actually know where to start on this, but right now, maybe I'll make sure I work hard on my history and english coursework. I know I have already lost time, and now *I'm* the one to make up for it.

So what do you think? ^__^

#Krisso

Where I show my prowess of photo-editing because I can. =P

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 11:30:55 GMT

I am on sharing rampage and I just edited and abused this photo that I took of the sky in Universal Studios, Osaka, Japan, last summer. I photoshopped it like there is no tomorrow and I ended up with an image that looks like it jumped straight out of Ayu's Fairyland or Heaven (funny how both of these are Ayu's song titles; what does it say about Ayu? =D She like dream-like things as much as I do!! Whee~~)

That's what it is. ^__^ I'm gonna draw this for art as well, I think. I already drew this other image in black and white. That one isn't as nice as this one, I can assure you, but it's still kickass seeing as it is taken also at the same place and approximately same time.

I don't take photos often, and I'm lucky that I found these photos from last year on a CD where my mum burned the stuff in. It saved me for art, because I was too lazy to take proper pictures, hehehe. I'm so lucky that I actually lagged behind last summer in Universal Studios JUST to take pictures of the sky. I'm usually very grouchy and stuff when it comes to walking around a place for a long time, but it was just that time where I was actually in the mood to take photos (and also coincidentally had a camera in hand). It was a slow evening, where the sun was about to set and the sunlight was starting to shine through the clouds to create that effect where the higher clouds are brighter and the other ones are darker. It's beautiful. We were leaving the place, and soon, we would be leaving from Osaka and Japan all together, too. That was quite a nice end to the trip. ^__^

And here's just another one I have decided to share with you because it's an entirely different style. =D

After I edited these photos, it feels like I went from Heaven and back. I had my personal jaw-touch-the-floor moment where I wondered how this grey and boring photo turned into THAT--

So I went to Heaven last year by using the path known as ks3 and tg3; I dropped back down when yr 10 began, and after that huge drop, I have vowed on one thing: I'm not going to hell, so the only direction I'll be going towards is upwards. I'm slowly crawling back to heaven, and maybe in a year or two, I'll be wrapped in a fluffy blanket lying lazily on a beach chair staring up at the broad, neverending sky with clouds that cover up the sun, but with beams of hope seeping through its edges. Slowly, surely, the light will come through.

(I felt like doing creative writing. =w= Ummm, yeah. That was kinda the story I came up with when I repeated to myself, "I feel like I went to Heaven and back...")

It's funny how stuff I do at a WHIM (oh gawd Sasuke reference =P) a year ago would actually save me from a big crisis and lots of stress a year after. I think I'm in love with my one-year-young self. ^__^

^0^ And that's all for now. Maa~ I've got work due in on Wednesday... Tuesday is working day. XDD

#Krisso

The Girl Who Leapt Through Time (Toki wo kakeru shoujo) movie review

Sun, 26 Aug 2007 07:37:22 GMT

Movie Rating: 9/10 (because it was in Cantonese. T__T)

Contents:
1) Introduction
2) Soundtrack
3) Comments
4) Story
5) Other comments

1) I just watched this movie today-- I have to say that this animated movie is worth all the nominations it has gotten since it came out in Japan last summer. It is worth the watch so to all of you reading this who live in Hong Kong, WATCH IT! It's in the cinemas now so go! Go! Go! Go! Because it's worth your time!

This movie is animated by the studio Madhouse, which is the same studio as the Death Note anime (which coincidentally has very, very impressive animation for an anime.) It is NOT a Miyazaki film even though it looks amazingly similar to one of those (Totoro, Laputa, Spirited Away, etc), it's directed by Mamoru Hosoda. There are rumours about Miyazaki and Mamoru being rivals-- but that's not the point of the post. ^__^

2) I just got myself the soundtrack of this movie because it was very amazing when I first heard it in the movie. The ending song is playing away on my speakers as I'm typing this.

Please go to the following URLs to try out the 2 theme songs in this movie, they're both so harmonious and beautiful; it suits the movie perfectly:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjpX6QF_IEs -- Kawaranai Mono (Unchanging things) by Hanako Oku; Insert song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMrvzJ3NhhA -- Garnet by Hanako Oku; ending theme.

If you like them, just ask. =P

I personally prefer Kawaranai Mono more though.

3) It isn't very often that movies like this come out, to be honest. It has an amazingly inspiring and simple yet deep and emotional storyline; a great soundtrack; very, very good character development; and very lovable characters. It's a perfect package and the only thing that I would say that wasn't so good about it, was not in fact the movie's fault, but I thought the Cantonese dub wasn't good enough for this movie. The main character's voice was done by the canto pop singer Janice, and everyone knows she can't even speak cantonese properly... stupid marketing people. =w= I want to watch it in Japanese, mou... Japanese professional seiyuus plz.

This movie does a really good job in making the audience think about their own time and how limited it actually is. It goes through things like how you shouldn't waste your time because there are many, many chances that are given to you in your life, and sometimes, these chances will only come once. The main character was able to redo things many times, but even if you get to redo it, it doesn't mean you do it right. In the end, you really have to prioritise things and not run away for stupid reasons because you will be made to regret. When you realise what you have missed, it's already too late.

The mood of the movie is set very well, and throughout, it's very light, yet it reaches out to your mind very well and those who follow it through with a lot of concentration might end up crying. I ALMOST cried, but managed not to (but really, if you're able to cry in a movie, it makes it 10 times better to watch.) Anyhow, the movie was packed with touching moments, emotional moments, sad moments, hilarious moments, and the story is simple yet it makes you think. The characters are very, very endearing and each of them have their own space for character development, those that count all have their own person. There no named character that is just there, you know?

Also, this movie is the exact genre that I love (if only they kissed, gawd, if only... T__T it's rated "for all ages" though, so I guess maybe they shouldn't...), it's got a very inspiring message about life, it's done in a very beautiful flow is a very deep plot with many foreshadows and clever twists. It surprises you and makes you laugh, tense, sad, and so on. I think it's great. =D

4) The Girl Who Leapt Through Time is about a High School girl in Japan named Makoto who gained the power to leap through time (literally leap). At first, she uses the power to fulfil her own selfish means, but then ending up realising that by doing this, other people will suffer at her cause. There is a very heartfelt part of the movie where you and her both realise that she mucked up. The motto, or the phrase that is repeated often throughout this movie is "Time cannot wait for anyone" or something like that. It plays a huge part to this story.

Makoto realises that there are so many things that she did but she regrets. She comes to a realisation that chances run out, with the fact that she has a limited amount of times in which she can leap through time. She ends up trying to fix everything but things were made even worse and one of her friends almost died because she was mucking things up. In the end, it ended up that her best friend slash crush was actually a person from the future who came back to see something that doesn't exist anymore maybe 50 years later or something. He is also the sole reason that Makoto was able to leap through time in the first place. (It was all an accident.)

Through explaining why he came back though, it came with the sacrifice that this boy from the future (name: Chiaki) has to disappear.

But things were saved because for a reason that I didn't catch, Makoto got an extra chance to leap through time again to fix things for the last time.

In the end though, Chiaki had to leave. =( That was so sad... his last words to Makoto were, "See you again in the future." It sort of implies a semi-sad ending but we all know that is not the case. I will explain why I think so in a moment, hehe. The ending was still satisfying though, and it shows Makoto looking at how things have developed from her past ability of being able to leap through time. She then looks up to the clouds and the sky, thinking about Chiaki.

5) Okay, as to why I think the ending is actually FUNNY: Chiaki's last words to Makoto were "See you again in the future", and that seems to show that Chiaki actually KNOWS Makoto in the future, like, a grandmother and her neighbour's son or something. XDD Hahaha, but the thing is, they actually fall in love and stuff, now the age gap is a bit weird. XD (Well, it also says that in the future, a device to leap through time (the one that Makoto came across by accident) was invented and so I'm sure Chiaki can always go back to visit the YOUNG Makoto and stuff. Hehehe~~)

Overall, it's the best animation AND movie I've seen in a long, long while (since the Death Note sequel, ehehe~) Please watch it if you can!

It is only available in the cinemas in HK in cantonese though, I think. That sucks. Maybe you can wait til' the DVD comes out.

#Krisso